Little bit bored

This week I am working on my silence, not the typical silence, but not saying all the stupid things I use to say, so this post may not be so fun at all.
It is amazing how my mood can change in a minute due to my affective life. Today’s horoscope told me to stand my feet over the floor about it. It looks like I’m getting depressed by watching everyone around me sharing, loving or just hanging with someone else.
This weekend I went to a Homo-toxicologist and he told to me to watch my colon.
Here is my theory and damn, this time is very complicated so get sit:
Human colon is located in the same level of the second Chakra, connected with sexuality (or the lack of it :). I’ve told some people about how sex can be easily misplaced by food and how some people, including me, can compare an attractive man with a succulent dessert, so in the office, when I am hungry I eat the first piece of delicious shit I find: cookies (at San Vicente Hospital they must be happy of it). The constant practice of this process (eating trash and its derivates in order to calm my “hunger”) affects my emotions making my stomach (third chakra) gurgle, making my hart (forth) fell confused and making my laugh and hair style (fifth and sixth) look for strategies for calling someone’s attention.
I usually don’t like to label and identify myself with my feelings but this time I am feeling affectively rotten. I mean, I’m sure that having someone besides me I wouldn’t had even considered go to Feathers last Friday (It sucked, by the way). When I was there I thought a slogan for that place: love just leaved it broken feathers. I was very unconscious that night, drank too much but as I said, it was something I wanted to experience. Now I know I don’t use to go to places like that because of the fear of liking that life style but sure I wouldn’t go again because of the damage it could (and did) cause to me.

On the other hand, Las night I watched Memories of a geisha and made me realized (or remembered) the fact that I’m still not truly opened to the people (the ones I love or the one I’m attracted to). It cost me so much to let them notice about my feelings. We can spend all our lives loving someone, mouth insides, not knowing if the feeling is reciprocal.
I’m not loving, but interested in someone in this moment. Hope it comes out of my mouth these days.

Namasté.